The N-Word

When I was younger, I was part of the only black family in my neighborhood, and I was the only black kid in my elementary school. I spent the early part of my childhood in a rural part of Ohio that was not diverse when it came to race, culture, or religion, so at the time, I had a lot of discussions with friends and family about being a minority in this type of environment.

A frequent conversation I had with people was the topic of the N-word. Most of my friends at school never used this word around me, but people have called me this word, and many people wanted to know how I dealt with it.

I’ve always dealt with it by not dealing with it at all. Suppose someone has the type of character to say something to put someone down, attack emotionally, and embarrass people. In that case, they’re not the type of person who deserves any of my attention or energy, so I don’t give it to them.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me (as much).

I’ve had this conversation with other minorities that don’t feel the same. “Let someone call me that, and I’ll punch them straight in the face,” is what I usually hear.

But to me, allowing a cruel person to have the power to say a word that dictates my actions is unearned leverage. Giving them a magical button they can push at any moment to make me throw a punch is offering them too much influence in my life.

I will not allow it, and they don’t deserve the right from me to allow it. Their words have shown me their character, and as a result, I'm not giving them an inch of mental landscape.

Taking full responsibility for how you respond to negativity goes beyond racial slurs. For example, if someone shouts something out in the parking lot you don’t like, you can allow it to affect your day or not. If someone says something about your clothes or hair, you can take it personally or as an opinion and move on.

You have a finite time to make choices. Does giving energy to someone who doesn’t deserve it make sense? I don’t share my precious time or energy with undeserving people.